1. "Is this normal for where I am?"
This is the question underneath most of the worry. You don't know whether what you're living with is expected at this point or a sign something has gone wrong. Ask it plainly, and give them the timeframe: how long since surgery, or how long since the leaking started.
A good answer sounds like a position on a map. Something like: at this stage, many men are still doing this, and here's what usually changes next. That tells you whether to hold your nerve or push for something more.
If the answer is vague, narrow it. "Is there anything about my situation you'd call unusual?" That version is harder to answer with a shrug.
2. "What exactly should I be doing at home, and how often?"
Men leave appointments having been told to "do your pelvic floor exercises" and nothing more. That is not an instruction. It's a category.
Ask for the specifics: how many squeezes, how long to hold each one, how many times a day, and whether you should be doing quick squeezes as well as long holds. Ask whether you should be training sitting, standing or lying down at this stage. Write the answer down in the room, not afterwards.
Then ask the follow-up that gets missed: "How will I know if I'm doing too much?" Overworking the muscle is a real thing, and a sore, tired pelvic floor performs worse, not better.
3. "Am I squeezing the right muscle — can you check?"
Plenty of men train for months with the wrong muscle. They squeeze the buttocks, or the stomach, or hold their breath and call it a contraction. Nothing improves, and they conclude training doesn't work for them.
A physio can check this properly. A urologist may be able to point you to someone who can. Asking is not embarrassing to them — it is a routine part of what they do, and it's one of the most valuable few minutes of the whole appointment.
If nobody can check in person, ask what you should feel when you get it right, and what it should look like in the mirror. Something concrete you can test at home.
4. "What would make you want to see me again, and when?"
Appointments often end with a soft "come back if you're worried." That leaves you deciding alone whether a bad week counts as worrying.
Ask for triggers instead. What change would mean you should book sooner? What would mean you're fine to wait? And is there a point where, if nothing has improved, you should be reassessed rather than just keep going?
Anything alarming — blood, pain, fever, a sudden change in your ability to pass urine at all — doesn't wait for a scheduled follow-up. That's a call to your doctor the same day. Worth confirming out loud so you both know.
Also worth reading: Ten Minutes With the Specialist: 7 Steps to Prepare So You Don't Waste Them · Am I Squeezing the Right Muscle? 4 Checks You Can Do at Home
5. "What are my options if training isn't enough?"
Men often avoid this question because asking it feels like admitting defeat, or inviting a conversation about surgery they don't want. It's the opposite. Knowing the map reduces the fear.
Ask what else exists, roughly what order things are usually tried in, and what the normal waiting time is before anyone considers the next step. You are not committing to anything by asking.
Most of the time the answer is reassuring: there's more available, and the usual advice is to give training a proper run first. That's much easier to do when you know it isn't the only thing standing between you and the rest of your life.
6. "Is anything else I'm doing making this worse?"
This one opens a door most appointments never reach. Your bladder doesn't exist in isolation. Fluid habits, caffeine, alcohol, constipation, a heavy cough, the way you lift at work or in the garden, your weight, your sleep — all of it loads the same system.
Ask them to look at the whole picture, not just the pelvic floor. Mention anything you've quietly changed since the trouble started, including drinking less to avoid leaks, which very often backfires.
You may get one or two adjustments that cost you nothing and take real pressure off. Those are worth more than another leaflet.
7. Before you leave: the thirty-second recap
With your hand on the door, say back what you think you were told. "So: this many squeezes, this often, come back in three months, call sooner if X." It takes half a minute and it catches misunderstandings while the expert is still in the room.
Ask who to contact between now and next time, and how. A named clinic number or an email address is worth having written down. Not knowing who to ring is one of the main reasons small problems grow.
Then go home and put the plan somewhere you'll see it. A card by the kettle, a note on your phone. The appointment was ten minutes. What you do in the weeks after it is where the change actually happens — and going in with these questions means you'll have something worth doing.